There’s been a big build up to my eldest starting school with uniform ordering, finding a Disney rucksack big enough to fit a lunch box but small enough for her to carry without toppling over. She’s been counting down the sleeps to her new adventure whereas I’ve been trying to put it to the back of my mind, in an attempt to suppress my emotions – my angst, my pride, my neediness. 

I just want to cling on to her because to me she is still that baby that I carried for 9 months. 

And I’m not ready to let her go

And yet she is. 

 I remind myself however that she’ll be finished at 3pm, so it’s not a full day anyway.

But then I feel a pang of guilt, I shouldn’t be wishing her school days away.

I should be stretching out her childhood with long moments of mindfulness.

 I must not let my experience tarnish hers 

I must not let my experience tarnish hers 

I must not let my experience tarnish hers 

My own view of school is tarred with bad memories of the bullying, feeling inadequate and a desperation to just fit in. 

 I just can’t stand the thought that she could feel those things one day. I feel like I’m allowing her to possibly experience how cruel other humans can be. 

But I know this is my problem not hers, not her schools and not her choices.

We were planning on home schooling but Jasmine was adamant she wanted to go to school. 

She already knows her own mind better than I know my own! 

So to all the parents/carers/siblings and of course the children starting school  or embarking on a new journey… Take a deep breath and let’s do this!