Just found my “Anorexic” underwear. I kept these as a reminder of how bad I got.
I look at these knickers and the tiny bra (on the left) – and they look like they would fit my 4-year-old daughter, not an adult woman (like my current undies on the right).
But these (on the left) were indeed my undies when I’d starved, purged and bullied myself to the point of nearly killing myself.
Eating Disorders are often seen as glamorous or just a fad diet. But whilst I must try not feel envy over my former skeletal self, I look at this underwear and I can see that what I thought was a fat body – was in fact the depleted capsule of a human who had sold her soul to anorexia and bulimia. My eating disorder was all that mattered to me then, but not now. Now, it’s my enemy. A horrid insidious disease that I pray my daughters won’t catch.
Maybe I’ll never completely recover. But a big difference now (is not my size as when I was at my worst I was actually the largest size I have ever been) is that, I choose life. I have two beautiful babies and a fiance – and whilst I struggle to look at photos of myself from my most difficult years, I’m now safe in the knowledge that I have gained a life.
Eating Disorders are not to do with weight or even the size of my underwear (they’re far more complex), but I must remind myself that I had no life when my eating disorder took over everything.
Please join me in choosing life and let’s not get caught up on our so-called imperfections because like me, you’ll look back at yourself and think why didn’t I just live life rather than obsess? #ednotglam #chooselife